Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Bible Thumping Up the Wrong Tree

Don't be so religious that you forget to be Human...

I must say, the chain of events that transpired in the last couple of days were definitely beyond my expectation. However, the backlash and opinions of people I've said hello to, sat in a choir stand with, shared a laugh on social media, sent up a prayer for a time or two, were actually the most surprising comments of all. I say all that to say, never let anyone dismiss your feelings or emotions because they are ignorant to your truths.

I've had a ton of scriptures thrown at me from "bible thumpers." I was informed that my choice to speak freely on a situation that affected MY life wasn't what a "Christian" would do. I was told that as a recent recipient of my Masters degree, that "this is not the behavior of a recent graduate or a black woman." I was called "bitter", "ego bruised", "jealous", "mad because I aspired to be a first lady", and soooo much more. I was beyond tickled at these attacks or strong opinions because they weren't the correct description of my emotions or lack thereof.  I was even deleted from a Facebook group because the administrator mixed my words regarding a post, became upset because I expressed that a few things I shared in the "private" group have gone public on more than one occasion, and instead of seeking clarity, decided to remove me. That's fine too, seeing as though a group isn't my life. I have laughed at the responses simply because I don't practice organized religion and I don't classify as "Christian". Oh, for that, I was deemed Atheist. And that couldn't be farther from the truth.

That said, why is it that people will dismiss your feelings or attempt to make you feel bad for having a human emotion? Religious people tickle my soul with their madness. They become so religious that they forget to be human. If I felt any way in which was described, I have the right to experience and feel EVERY human emotion there is. People lost sight of the point or purpose of the previous blog, awareness, and made it about a title and the human emotion became invalid. Is it wrong for a person to feel hurt after being hurt? Is it wrong for a person to be upset or angry by something that upset them or made them angry? No. But it's only wrong to have these feelings when you are dealing with a person in a position of power so to speak. Oh, okay, right! (Inserts the strongest side eye here)

The most opinionated responses came from religious folk and the holier than thou Christians. What I really wanted to say to them or ask them was:

Have you had are do you currently have  pre-marital sex?
Sir, have you pumped a man in the butt or been pumped by another male in the butt?
Do you sell drug, do drugs, or drink alcoholic beverages to the point of inebriation?
You have a tattoo or piercing?
Girl did you cut your hair?

And if they couldn't answer no to one or ALL of these questions (which I already knew they could not) then why are they in my inbox judging  me based on a Bible that they themselves have fallen short of? I mean, I have nothing against any lifestyle people live or have chosen to live. But don't pick apart the bible to only fit a situation for your specified peace and throw it at me when you, yourself, have fallen quite short. I mean, the questions listed are against God based on that same bible you spewed scriptures from. Am I right or am I right?  But, I chose not to go that route, it was way to amusing to me and way to inspiring. Plus, I've yet to meet someone that follows the "Bible" word for word and I know that I never will.

You "Christians" have got to STOP picking and choosing when the good book applies to your life when EVERYDAY, you fall short. You aspire to be better but there is no perfect man or woman. You "Christians" have got to START being the example so that sinners like me can "see the light". (Hyperbole) I say that because the very book you used in defense of YOUR ugliness, in defense of your DISRESPECT, in the defense of your ACTIONS or OPINIONS, is the SAME book that says something like, "judge not lest ye be judged....and if you see your sister or brother falling by the wayside, encourage them, help them..." I mean it may not be verbatim but your bible says that too. Just something to think about before spewing your hate, disgust, opinion, or disdain against another person.

Something I've decided to do as we move into a new year and as I transition into a new season in my life, is stop holding back how I feel or how someone has affected my feelings. I'm a person that internalizes a great deal. I hold a lot of things in and keep moving forward. I've been called "strong" for that. But in turn, internalizing causes stress.  And every strong person has a weakness. I figured, why wait for a new year to practice this growth when I can start now. Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone and I will no longer hold back to spare the outcome of me speaking my truths. Too many people rather be comforted with lies than to feel the sting of the truth.

I live in my truth. I stand by my words. And I will NEVER allow anyone to dismiss how I feel based on THEIR ignorance to MY truth, nor will I ever be ashamed of simply being a human being, that is flawed and that makes mistakes!

You're welcome,

That Brown Girl

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Pastor Porno

The Book of "HOEsea"

Let me warn you that this blog is not about a holy coming but more so about the so called "Holy"...cumming. 

I thought long and hard about releasing this information into the public and initially, I wasn't going to. You see, some guys swear you're bitter after a relationship...or after relations...and that is NOT  what this blog is about. Too many times we allow those who hurt us, tarnish our names, and taint our perceptions, to live life free to move forward to their next victims. I do not play the victim card and I'm not angry. I am simply here to bring light to a situation that could end up fatal for another woman. So here are my truths...

After 15 years, I reconnected with the now Pastor HOEsea Stubbfield via an online dating application around April 2015. We met when I was 15 and lost contact when I was 16. At the time, I thought this man was God sent. I was breaking things off with someone at the time and he was going through a divorce. In my mind, this was all for a reason. Me being stupid, reverting back to a 15 year past, trying to revive love and happiness from ancient emotions. He was up for pastoralship at SMBC (I didn't know what church it was at the time) at the time and had a lot going on. We discussed him remarrying and he asked me a ton of questions about how I'd feel about being a First Lady. We discussed lifestyle changes that these titles would come with. We discussed a future together. It all sounded promising to me. Being in a transitional phase in my life and wanting a stronger spiritual connection and relationship, I just knew this was heaven sent.

We were back and forth with our dating because for some reason he would throw these crazy temper tantrums when things weren't going his way. He wanted a relationship...while he was still married but getting a divorce and I wanted to wait until we were both healed from the relationships we had just ended. At this time, I'd never had sex with HoEsea. After his last tantrum in May or June of the same year, we ended things. He would get mad and delete and block me from his social media and I'd just laugh and move forward.

In October of 2015, I contacted him via Facebook to kind of test the temperature because I'd missed him. The temperature seemed cold so I stopped reaching out. In February of 2016, I sent him a message via facebook

The conversation that ensued after we begin to speak again was pleasant and welcoming. He informed me he missed me, thought of me often, and that he did become a Pastor last year. I congratulated him and asked him if he was seeing anyone. He told me he was dating someone that he liked but it wasn't anything serious. He made it clear that he wanted to keep in contact with me and keep our friendship in tact. I respected that and since no lines had ever been crossed, I saw no harm in staying friends. He would always want to take me to lunch, ask to go to movies, and ask me to come visit his church to hear him preach. I would always find a way to do none of that. Eventually I went to visit his church after him asking me a million times to come visit. I visited one service and I visited a bible study. Little did I know, the young lady he was dating, was a member at his church and they were actually in a FULL blown relationship. I had no idea until December 12th, 2016.

He told me sometime in the beginning of August that he'd broke things off with the young lady and we begin to spend a ton of time together. I would always spend the night at his place, we begin to have sex. He became very hot and cold. I never knew what I was going to get with this guy. He begin asking me to make sex tapes on multiple occasions and I refused EVERY time!!!  He again threw a tantrum and blocked and deleted me from Facebook. 

After his last request for a sex tape on September 25th, 2016, I chose to end everything with him and again he threw a tantrum and went on a delete and block spree.

He again became dismissive because I refused to make a sex tape with him. I wanted to question him on why he would even want to make a sex tape and he's in the position that he's in, but that would be like the pot calling the kettle black, right?  I later learned he was making sex tapes the ENTIRE time we had reconnected. One was even dated in November of 2015, shortly after his divorce was finalized about 5 months prior. The first one I became aware of can be found in the link below:


I watched this and became disgusted. Immediately disgusted. And then I found out about the droves of women he was sleeping with. I couldn't believe my eyes. The next tape I watched was even more crazy!. This was another video:


After coming across all of this information, I was beyond shocked. Sick to my stomach. And embarrassed.  Here I am thinking I'm the only woman he's dealing with in a physical capacity and how dumb of me to believe that! Not only is he putting the lives of these women at risk, because there are tonsssss more, but he uses his position of power as a Pastor to do these things. He gets up on Sundays and preach against EVERY sin he's committing in these videos. He is a manipulator, deceitful, a liar, and has mental problems that he's yet to get much needed help for. He has turned friends and families inside out, caused rifts and drove wedges between friendships and damaged family ties for some of these women who have dealt with him. And he is leading his congregation straight to hell and they don't even know it. He's too arrogant to resign. I'm sure he will put on a show the next few Sundays, tears, repentance, and pure denial of his actions and the time-frame in which they occurred. I'm sure, as the pathological liar he is, he will find a way to spin these truths into him being the victim. Because he's an subconscious misogynistic narcissist, I can almost bet you he'll claim he's being blackmailed because someone wants to be with him. However, for me, that would be the farthest thing from the truth. It is only my hope to bring light to the reckless behavior he engages in and lies about so that women have a chance to be extra safe and not fall for lies because a man is seen in a certain light. 

 Now I don't place 100% blame on him for a situation I placed myself in by trusting a man that I was comfortable with and have known half of my life. I got played, as did the droves of other women involved. Plain and simple. As an adult, I accept my responsibility for the mistake I made in my dealings with him. He definitely has an insatiable problem. It is my hopes that this blog is passed around, and shared, and if you were a woman who have had similar experiences with this man, get tested and share this. If you are a woman that comes across this man, RUN....as far as you possibly can in the other direction. He is NOT who he say he is nor is he who he portrays himself to be. HOEsea Stubbfield aka Pastor Porno.

I'm just a woman...looking out for women.

You're welcome!!!

That Brown Girl.

2017 UPDATE:

So, after all was said and done and poked at and laughed at and commended and shown and discussed and misinterpreted and misquoted...these are some responses I've received from a few people that I thought were quite interesting.

I was contacted by a gentleman whose church dealt with HOEsea at their congregation and found the information interesting.

With all of the hate messages I received and all of the derogatory remarks of strangers and associates and people I once called friend, I still didn't question if I'd done the right thing. I felt like, maybe I have a problem if I don't feel bad about speaking MY truths. I felt relieved. I felt free. I felt justified. But then again, I've never felt bad about speaking my personal truths. Specially after seeing these things online...

I also received information from a woman that claims she's been making sex tapes and dealing with him for several years, including pre, during, and post marriage as well as while he was a pastor at Salem MBC.

So after all of this, it was actually refreshing to know that I wasn't standing alone in this situation. I feel my place and actions taken on the matter, are justified. And my hopes, are just as it was initially, and that's for any person, man or woman, that have dealt with this guy, to release, get tested, and start your healing process.