WRITTEN BY: B. COLL
Many of you may read this blog and many of you wont. So let me start by stating this. THIS BLOG IS NOT WRITTEN TO JUDGE YOU, SWAY YOUR SEX LIFE, OR TO CHANGE YOU. ITS BASED ON MY ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCE(s) AND IF IT HELPS JUST 1, I AM UTTERLY SATISFIED. Ok. Now that we have established that, lets move forward. When given the wonderful invitation to write a contributing blog for Mr. BIsAnArtist, I simply pondered the details of something worth sharing and that was of any substance and had meaning. Abstinence became my topic of choice. Let me share my story. Enjoy:
I love sex. Hot, sweaty, deep, passionate sex. I love the feeling of a man thrusting his pelvis against mine, on top of mine, behind mine, inside of mine, etc. I love the heat of the moment and the body vibrations. I love the sound of headboards banging and the switch in pace as I breathe. I love the art of two bodies coming/cummin together and uniting as one...if even for the moment. I love sex!!!!
A contradiction to the title? Not at all. There was a time when I loved sex. As I grew into the young lady that I am today, my views on sex evolved. I was in and out of relationships, man to man, hurting myself, dirtying my sheets. All for what? All to end up in a familiar situation of confusion and pain all over again. For years I would blame these men for my fucked up mentality toward them. I was always quick to point my finger at them and their faults. I was always playing the victim. Then one day, I realized that if this is a repetitive cycle in my life...maybe, just maybe it wasnt the men at all. Maybe it was simply just me. And as I continued to mature as a young woman, I had to take a break and work on myself. I refused to play the victim anymore. Im not saying sex was the reason everything was so messed up...but I am saying that it has played a major role. Think about it ladies (and gents); Take 2 couples. Both couples have been dating 6 months. One couple has a sexual relationship and the other couple has a non-sexual relationship. They break-up. The non-sexual couple will surely recover from the pains and differences in their relationship that they couldn't resolve. The couple with the sexual relationship, well, it will take quite the while to get over the pain of the break up because you have given up so much of your self, your soul, and your inner most personal love. Ponder that.
Am I saying you shouldn't have sex? NO! I am stating what has/is working for me. I have come to the realization of knowing my self worth. In the generation that we live in today, 1 in every 5 people you've had sex with has/had an std. 1 in every 3 people you've slept with are HIV/AIDS positive and don't even know it. Check the National Aids Awareness site to back this up. Don't just take my word for it. I didn't decide to abstain from sex for religious belief or from contracting an std. I did not put a time limit on how long I will practice the act of abstinence either. I decided to do this because I refuse to lye with a dog and catch flea's. I refuse to be yet another statistic in the African-American community of women who are infested with HIV. I refuse to let any Tom, Dick, or Harry defile my temple. I refuse to be a "baby-mama" before I'm a wife. And I refuse to be left drowning in my tears feeling used or trying to psyche myself out that "that ni&&a (man,guy,dude) didn't mean s*&t anyway" knowing he did and thats why I'm so salty about it. But I also chose this path because it has given me a new pair of eyes. I can actually date a man with absolutely no expectations simply because I have clear and concise intentions. I know going into this thing that I want mental stimulation and a spiritual connection. I am also seeing who really has a genuine interest in me as a person versus a pretty face and nice body. Its interesting to say the least. I have met guys who told me I was "a beautiful person and it was nice to meet me" and never contacted me again after learning my views on sex...or lack thereof. I die laughing because I am still utterly amazed at how most people run from sacredness and virtue. Its hilarious to me. Im not "holier than thou" or the perfect christian. I am just a young woman trying to live a full, and healthy, and successful life.
I based my decision of practicing the act of abstinence because I have finally realized my virtue. I have gained a new love for myself and a deeper level of self-respect. Most importantly, I know my worth. Im not saying if you're getting your back blown out that its makes you any less of a woman. That NOT what I'm saying. But I do ask, what's your purpose or reasoning behind the act of sex besides the temporary sensational bliss of an orgasm? Honestly, I can masturbate and get to the same peak...and its guaranteed! Lol. But seriously, how do you feel when you lay with a different man every few nights? How do you feel when you lay with the same man every night and he's not even thinking about being your husband? How do you feel once he's gone? Besides that temporary good throbbing between your thighs...besides the temporary feeling of relief...besides a pulsating pussy...Im asking you to look in the mirror and really tap into your feelings. Every person you lay with takes a piece of you with them. It gets to the point to where you have nothing left to give. Drake said it best in his song "Brand New". Is anything I'm doing brand new? Its sad when the guy you letting hit now, is doing some real familiar shit...just a little bit better (or worse) than the last man. If you give it all away, what will you have left to offer your husband? But like I've stated earlier...I am writing this based on my on personal views, perceptions, and experiences.
The temptation is no joke, I will admit. It seems like now that Im abstaining, I meet the most beautiful, attractive, super sexy men I have ever met. Its crazy. But until I reach a strength level strong enough to maintain my composure, I don't put myself in tempting situations. Im almost 6 months in...my minimum goal is a year. I hear once you hit that year mark then it's a piece of cake. So now I divert ALL my energy to working out. At least I'll be super sexy by the time I do it again! Lol. But on a more serious note, if you are sexually active, PLEASE protect yourself. A condom will take you a long way. I know we've all "raw dogged" it before because it feels soooo much better. I know because I've done it. But I was and am also blessed to not have been burnt! So be safe. ALWAYS wear a condom. And please get tested and take your partner(s) with you to get tested. Don't wait until you catch something you can/can not get rid of because of ignorance and sheer stupidity. For the record, an HIV test is only conclusive if you have not participated in any sexual activity for a minimum of 3 months...so be careful!!!
When the time comes for me to share my body with whoever the next man will be, you better believe we have both been down to the clinic together and viewed our results together. But more so, you better know that regardless of how negative the results are...HE WILL ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM! And we will continue to get tested together every 3 months together. I love you...but I love ME way more!!!